After going through detox, I was totally committed to a day program. At first, I was like, seriously? But it started to make a
difference. I haven’t had a drink in months, and the support was huge. I had been on only a low dose of T [testosterone] and was hanging on to the last female pieces, like longer hair and mascara,
that I thought would keep me safe and keep me in control. I had been using the female things to get me what I wanted and needed to survive. But recently, I started to get really uncomfortable
when people would say, “Hey, girl” or refer to me as “she”. I realized I was hiding still. So one morning, I woke up and said, I'm going to go hard and cut my hair. I'm going to up my
dose of T. No more makeup, different attitude, different facial expressions… I looked in the mirror and didn't really recognize myself, but I was like, okay, I'm shining through, right?
And I tried to just be in that moment without hiding. I felt very vulnerable, very exposed. I was scared shitless to go to group the morning after, but it was the safest place that I could go and
explore this. Wearing 800 layers, still felt naked. Well, I showed up and everyone was just like, “Wow, your hair is so dope!” And nobody made fun of me. No one was kicking my shins or beating
me down. If Justin Bieber can rock himself and be who he is without caring, why can’t I?